Your Doomsday Prediction Sucks

May 13th, 2017. It’s such a lovely day today. I dunno what the weather is where you are, but where I am, it’s sunny and a nice temperature. Spring is showing itself and I can smell bacon in the kitchen. A perfect day.

Sure would suck if a global thermonuclear war started.

Well, too bad! According to some random guy who had a dream, sometime today the world will be engulfed in a nuclear hellfire! I mean, it’s already past 5 PM where I’m at and there have been no indications of any such thing being imminent, but that’s besides the point.

Can I just say that our doomsday predictions these days just aren’t very good? I’m not talking about them being false despite us falling for them over and over–that’s always been the case. No, I’m talking about style.

Think back to 2012–who remembers that? I was about fourteen back then and I more than lowkey fell for it. I was a dumb kid. I remember the movie–entire cities being swallowed up by massive earthquakes! Tsunamis as high as the Himalayas! Yellowstone erupting and chocking all of North America with volcanic ash! All centered around anĀ ancient Mayan calendar–Mayans are fucking cool. And don’t forget Nibiru–always had a soft spot for that doomsday theory. We get to see a cool new planet as we all die horribly.

Nowadays? No style at all. What’s this whole thing based on? Some random psychic and some visions that are important to the Catholic church (you’ll notice that said church has already interpreted said visions to refer to past events, but y’know, besides the point). And what will happen on this terrible day? Trump will…nuke North Korea or something I guess?

I mean, goddamn, we have gone seriously downhill in the last four years. If you’re going to perform blatant fearmongering and fuck with gullible people, at least do it in style. Add some personality, man! Why have a nuclear war when you can have a whole planet?

It’s not hard, people.